Embracing Imperfection

Sonal Shah Inspiration, Life

Embracing Imperfection

I had an epiphany this morning. I was telling my dad about this writing bootcamp thing I’m doing and explaining that my biggest issue is that I’m a perfectionist.  Perfectionism is no good.  In terms of writing, normally I write, then I proofread, then I rewrite, rewrite, and rewrite.  By the time I’m done with one article it’s been three weeks (atleast).  It still will not be perfect but my attempt to make it perfect has taken a lot of time and beating up of myself.  And then I only have one article after all is said and done.  If I say ‘perfect’ one more time, you get a cookie. I was thinking this morn that I’d rather write on a new topic everyday and end up with 21 mediocre (in my mind) articles as opposed to one good one.  My point is that I can embrace imperfection and the imperfection itself is PERFECT!!!  Woah there cowgirl- it’s getting meta in here.  I don’t want to try to be perfect anymore.  My whole life, I have always tried to be…the perfect dancer, the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect person…I’m not gonna lie, I had moments in high school ala Tracy Flick.  I so badly wanted to be in a gazillion pages in the yearbook and I spent so much time running from meeting to meeting for various clubs/societies. I was ‘that guy.’  I was a pom pon girl, show choir performer, philanthropy activist, and national honor society president.  I wanted to be in everything (non-athletic) and I wanted to be the best at everything.  Secretly.  I claimed to be someone who was not competitive, but let’s be honest…I was. And the person who I was most competitive with?  Me.  BUT, there was a part of me under that part that wanted to be a rebel. I went through phases of wearing wide leg jeans and blackberry lipstick.  I had dreads and attended underground breakdance parties. I even Deejayed with my boys.  I secretly secretly wanted to be dangerous.  on the dance floor.

BUT I wanted to be PERFECT at being dangerous on the dance floor.  I wanted to be perfect in every way.  I stress ‘wanted.’   I was not perfect at anything.  I always ‘wanted’ to be.  Huge difference.

This existed as I entered university studying pre-medicine and also joining a sorority AND doing theatre.  Not only was I a weird theatre kid, I was also throwing sorority parties, and studying for Organic Chemistry for hours at a time. I even gave the keynote address at my commencement ceremony. Not because I was valedictorian…I was sort of like Van Wilder.

So two days before graduation, I made out with the cute Sigma Pi indian boy in the lobby of my apartment building. AND the morning of my graduation, where I was about to speak in front of thousands of people, I woke up with a HUGE hickey on my neck.  My roommates and I tried to get it off with a cold spoon.  It didn’t work.  I repeat, I tried to get a huge hickey off my neck with a spoon 2 hours before I gave the keynote address at my university commencement.  That’s just a sidenote.

Today I have decided to embrace imperfection.  Messiness.  Being dirty. I’ve always secretly liked to be dirty, but now I’m gonna lay it all out there.  I’m sick of trying to be the best. I’m sick of trying to be perfect.  I am who I am right now in the moment…and believe me, it’s not perfect.  BUT THAT IS OKAY.

I realize how off-tangent and non-structured this post has become.  But it is what it is. I’m not even gonna go back and re-read it before I post it.

This is hard.  I want to re-read it.  I need to check it.  What if it sucks?  What if its literal word vomit.

Stepping away from the computer.  St-ep-ping a-way.  Copy.  Publish.  Till next time. Love you. Bye.

Embracing Imperfection

Sonal Shah Uncategorized

I had an epiphany this morning. I was telling my dad about this writing bootcamp thing I’m doing and explaining that my biggest issue is that I’m a perfectionist.  Perfectionism is no good.  In terms of writing, normally I write, then I proofread, then I rewrite, rewrite, and rewrite.  By the time I’m done with one article it’s been three weeks (atleast).  It still will not be perfect but my attempt to make it perfect has taken a lot of time and beating up of myself.  And then I only have one article after all is said and done.  If I say ‘perfect’ one more time, you get a cookie. I was thinking this morn that I’d rather write on a new topic everyday and end up with 21 mediocre (in my mind) articles as opposed to one good one.  My point is that I can embrace imperfection and the imperfection itself is PERFECT!!!  Woah there cowgirl- it’s getting meta in here.  I don’t want to try to be perfect anymore.  My whole life, I have always tried to be…the perfect dancer, the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect person…I’m not gonna lie, I had moments in high school ala Tracy Flick.  I so badly wanted to be in a gazillion pages in the yearbook and I spent so much time running from meeting to meeting for various clubs/societies. I was ‘that guy.’  I was a pom pon girl, show choir performer, philanthropy activist, and national honor society president.  I wanted to be in everything (non-athletic) and I wanted to be the best at everything.  Secretly.  I claimed to be someone who was not competitive, but let’s be honest…I was. And the person who I was most competitive with?  Me.  BUT, there was a part of me under that part that wanted to be a rebel. I went through phases of wearing wide leg jeans and blackberry lipstick.  I had dreads and attended underground breakdance parties. I even Deejayed with my boys.  I secretly secretly wanted to be dangerous.  on the dance floor.

BUT I wanted to be PERFECT at being dangerous on the dance floor.  I wanted to be perfect in every way.  I stress ‘wanted.’   I was not perfect at anything.  I always ‘wanted’ to be.  Huge difference.

This existed as I entered university studying pre-medicine and also joining a sorority AND doing theatre.  Not only was I a weird theatre kid, I was also throwing sorority parties, and studying for Organic Chemistry for hours at a time. I even gave the keynote address at my commencement ceremony. Not because I was valedictorian…I was sort of like Van Wilder.  

So two days before graduation, I made out with the cute Sigma Pi indian boy in the lobby of my apartment building. AND the morning of my graduation, where I was about to speak in front of thousands of people, I woke up with a HUGE hickey on my neck.  My roommates and I tried to get it off with a cold spoon.  It didn’t work.  I repeat, I tried to get a huge hickey off my neck with a spoon 2 hours before I gave the keynote address at my university commencement.  That’s just a sidenote.

Today I have decided to embrace imperfection.  Messiness.  Being dirty. I’ve always secretly liked to be dirty, but now I’m gonna lay it all out there.  I’m sick of trying to be the best. I’m sick of trying to be perfect.  I am who I am right now in the moment…and believe me, it’s not perfect.  BUT THAT IS OKAY.  

I realize how off-tangent and non-structured this post has become.  But it is what it is. I’m not even gonna go back and re-read it before I post it.  

This is hard.  I want to re-read it.  I need to check it.  What if it sucks?  What if its literal word vomit.

Step-ping away from the computer.  St-ep-ping a-way.  Copy.  Publish.  Till next time. Love you. Bye.  


Happy Birthday!

Sonal Shah Uncategorized

Happiest of happy birthdays to my shining light and wind beneath my wings @poojakobawala !!! (at San Diego)

Papa Shah

Sonal Shah Life

momanddad

Since today happens to be father’s day, it’s only appropriate to write about my papa.  Wow. I’m already emotional just starting this. Okay, this is gonna be different from other writings that I do because I can barely think about my papa without tearing up.  He is absolutely the number one person in my life.  I know it’s cheesy and many people say things like this, but he is really and truly my best friend and hero.  There is absolutely no way I can write anything good enough to express the kind of person he is…and to express how our relationship is.

My dad is endlessly POSITIVE (and not in an annoying way).  He always manages to look at the positive of any situation and the importance of learning from it.  His calmness is a good foil to my craziness and he always knows EXACTLY what to say to make me feel better.  His PATIENCE is virtuous.  He listens.  He understands.

I see God in my dad.  and I’m not the only one.  People joke and call him Lord Buddha all the time.  But I understand why.  He embodies Godliness because he is just so humble and selfless.  He only inputs love in this world. He never gets angry.  And he is beyond kind. He doesn’t ‘show off’ his kindness.  On the contrary, he never expects a ‘thank you.’ He never does anything so that someone else will ‘see’ his kindness.  He does whatever he can to make everyone else’s lives easier. He’s just kind.  In the most real sense of the word.  It’s as simple as that.

I wish he could know the extent to how appreciative I am of him.

Growing up, my dad was ALWAYS there for me. He attended every single one of my concerts, shows, dance performances, plays, musicals, ceremonies, etcetera etcetera.  He helped me with my homework (did I mention he is a math GENIUS) and taught me values, morals… everything about being GOOD.  He has always been supportive of every endeavor I take.  And when I fall, he is always there to catch me.  He always tells me nothing is impossible and to always think positively.  I am constantly inspired at his abilities to be completely non-judgmental.  He surrounds himself with people from all walks of life and learns from everyone.

In a way I am like my father in that we are both adventurists.  We both enjoy trying new things, yet we also really value tradition.  We appreciate art/design/architecture/ambiance/people in a way that is very unique to us.  My dad moved to America almost 40 years ago with a dream.  He came the the states with no more than $8 in his pocket and struggled for a long time until he was successful. This must have provided a sense of the importance of hard work and being a grounded individual.  He worked various jobs before he landed at his current company, Christian Roge and Associates.  Now he is a star structural engineer as well as a part owner of his company.  When I decided to take the leap to move to LA to follow my dreams, it was hard on the entire Shah family. But even though my dad misses me so much, he has always been encouraging and he has always believed in me.  He has never asked me to quit.  I cannot help but find the parallel in my own journey with that of my dad’s journey.   My heart’s desire to seek opportunity and adventure is different but the same to my dad’s move to the US way back in the day.  I comprehend the virtuosity of struggle as well as hard work.

My dad wakes up everyday at 5am and is in his office in downtown chicago at 8pm on the nose.  After he arrives back home in Wheaton circa 6pm, he musters enough energy to go the gym!!  I aspire to have this kind of work ethic in my life.  In my over thirty years of knowing him, he has rarely ever complained about anything, yet it’s not that he is even hiding anything negative…he just only thinks positively.

Even though papa shah is wise, intelligent, and calm…he’s also a LOT of fun.   We can seriously talk and hang for hours and hours and never run out of things to talk about….and laugh so hard doing absolutely nothing.  Like Seinfeld.  The Shahs are all HUGE Seinfeld fans. My dad gets me. He laughs at all of my jokes (even the stupid ones), and makes a lot of funny jokes himself.  He’s even open to all of my weird ideas. Last year, we drove out to Lake Geneva and literally drove around for over an hour looking for parking.  We never found a spot…which of course my dad did not complain about.  We drove a bit away from the beaten path and discovered a quaint little village shop called “The Cheese Box.”  We decided to give it a shot and had the best sandwiches we’ve ever had in our life.  The point is that my dad is okay with spontaneity and knows that things may not work out as planned…but that’s okay!

My parents both love show business and all things bollywood and hollywood.  In fact, they sometimes know more than me.  We were members of a dinner theatre when I was young and they always took me to see shows there and everywhere.  Theatre has always been a huge part of our lives.  My mom is the performer among the two of them, but my dad sings as well!! They are a part of a formal karaoke group that meets at a nice Indian restaurant every month…and they all perform!!  My parents enjoy life and have always managed to find the funny in every situation no matter how bad.  They see movies, go to the theatre, exercise, socialize, eat healthy, go out to restaurants, go to the park, attend events…they are fun, cool, hippie-ish, and adorable.  Even in my teen years, I was never embarrassed to hang with them.  They were cooler than half of my friends anyway. And they have always been my number one fans.  We have an unspoken understanding and I truly cherish the simple moments I share with them, from sitting on the couch at home to attending weddings to going to farmer’s markets to traveling to exploring small villages to little trips to coffee or froyo shops…we have an indescribable friendship/relationship that I am beyond grateful for. Their strength is constantly inspiring and I love them more than anything in the world.

By the way, my dad collects hats. He’s like a little Italian man.  Anytime you see him, he will always be sporting a cooooool hat.  My nephew Rohan calls him “Hat Dada.”  SO. CUTE.